I titled this blog "Staying Sane in a Chaotic World" because I have yet to actually do so. It is a constant struggle for me and I hope to some day accomplish that feat.

I must let you all know that this is my first attempt at blogging and my head is full of so many things. I have adult ADD and hope to filter it all out over time and find a way to organize and process it all. So please be patient. Any feedback is appreciated.

So how chaotic is my life? I have a 17 year old son who constantly thinks he knows everything. Worse, I have a 5 year old son who also thinks he knows everything. I don't know which one is worse to argue with. I have a daughter who is almost 2 and doesn't think she knows everything but won't leave her clothes on. This has been extremely frustrating given that we are trying to potty train her. Everyone calls her the little "stripper" but I try not to in fear of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Although, I wouldn't have to worry about how she will pay for school. She has a limited vocabulary so on most days it is like trying to solve the NY Times Crossword puzzle trying to figure out exactly what she wants.

I have 3 cats and haven't been able to figure out which one is peeing in the dirty clothes. I do know that it is the female calico who jumps up onto my vanity and steals my hair ties and then "fights" (or plays with them) all over the house. The older, fat male is named Mini-Moe, although due to his weight I have started calling him Maxi-Moe. He has a foot-fetish. He won't let you touch him unless it is with your feet. Weird, I do not know why. The younger male (sibling to the female) has become my favorite. He is quiet, doesn't droll on me, and uses the scratching posts on a regular basis. The siblings are Maine Coon rescues and the older one is a DSH (domestic short hair) rescue. They will probably be the last cats I will ever own. I want to go back to a dog.

My job has gotten a bit easier. I used to answer phones at an abuse hotline. I'd take reports and assign an allegation (physical abuse, physical neglect, medical neglect, etc) and a priority and then forward them to the field for investigation. I no longer answer the phones but supervise a unit of workers who do. I still have to listen to all of the sad stories of abuse and neglect though. Sometimes it can be difficult and I find it appalling to hear of new ways all the time that people seem to find with regards to abusing their kids or elderly parents. Child death calls are the worst. One call in particular affected me greatly a few years back. A 2 year old boy that had been taken away from his mother was allowed a first time visit alone with her, and she killed him. She beat him to death. He was bruised and had broken bones and cigarette burns all over. Why? I guess no one will ever know. I should note that the boy wasn't just given back willy nilly. There are protocols.

You see, it takes a lot for a child to be removed to begin with. Their life has to be in immediate and grave danger, such as living in a home with an active meth lab. After a child is removed the first "placement" is attempted to be with relatives, an aunt or uncle, grandmother, etc. Then the parent is given options to get the child(en) back. They are required to take parenting classes or go to rehab, pass drug tests, etc. Then they go through supervised visitations and only after all of the requirements are fulfilled does the child go back. In this case, I cannot say if anything went wrong or was overlooked.

Some peole just know how to get around the system. I hear it all the time. The mom gets word that her drug test will be scheduled for Thursday and she stops using on Monday. Once she passes the drug test she goes back on the street and starts to use again. It is frustrating but the system is not set up for "randomness", there just aren't enough resources. Field workers have high workloads and just do not have the time to go out chasing parents who may or may not be home or at work. I would do it myself but we are not allowed to get involved.

Too many times I want to do something though, go out and save a child or "beat up" a parent who is abusing their child; give them a chance to hit someone their own size. But I can't. I doubt I could even if I tried, but that doesn't mean I never want to at least try at times. Again though, we can't. We can't even go into the computer system and follow the case to see what happened. There have been a lot of times that I was curious as to what happened with a case, but we must follow guidelines. On occasion we'll see one of the stories on the local news but most cases are not that serious. Most just involve family violence or drug use and the kids aren't properly supervised.

Sometimes we get the callers that want us to get involved immediately, as if we ourselves were the investigator that made the decisions. They want us to go out and remove a child because their mother or father is spanking them. We ask a lot of questions because that may or may not be abuse. In Texas, parent are allowed to use corporal punishment to discipline their kids. However, spanking a 3 year old on a diapered butt with an open hand is different than thrashing a 5 year old on a vital body area with the metal buckle end of a belt. There are many factors to consider when deciding if the report meets State guidelines for actual abuse. How old is the child? Does the child have any special needs? Where was the child hit? With what? How serious were the injuries?

My job does give me a sense of appreciation for my own kids but that doesn't mean they are angels or easy to deal with. Each child has their own needs. My oldest son is always "needing" to be on my computer and my youngest son is always "needing" me to spend time with him, as if I am never home and never do anything with him at all. My daughter is always "needing" to be in my lap with my arms wrapped around her. Makes it hard to do much of anything carrying her around. We'll put her in the buggy at the store and she tricks us every time. "Hug?" she'll say. Although it sounds more like "Ug"

"Ug? Ug?" She'll repeat until we give her a hug. Then she will wrap her arms around our necks and put us in a "head lock" and will not let go until we pick her up and out of the buggy. You'd think we'd learn by now not to do that.

I cannot come home without being "mobbed" by my youngest kids. I guess I should enjoy it while I can knowing that some day neither will want to have anything to do with me.

How else is my life chaotic? There is so much more but given that this is only my first blog, I will go into more at a later date. Until then, find peace and be blessed.